Wednesday, 4 July 2012

I'm going slightly mad...

It's strange how life turns out.  Although I always wanted it to happen, I never thought I'd be an author (I still don't count myself as one, not until that first royalty check), but now I'm heart palpitatingly close.  I've got a proof of The Binary Man coming in paperback from the US (I paid an extra $3 to get it four weeks earlier), I've submitted my new edit to several review sites, I'm waiting to see when my first author interview will be published on Jeanzbookreadnreview and my new book is coming along nicely.  And yet I feel like an absolute failure.
The reason for this?  The power of watching those ebook sales.
I'd imagine it's the same feeling as gambling (though I've never got into that due to limited funds and preferring to spend the money on bags of chips.  Chippy chips!).  On the good days, the sales keep coming, some in the the morning, some in the day and some in the evening.  Each sale makes me give a little fist pump to myself (oh yeah).  On the bad days, nothing.  Usually that only lasts for a day, but it's these days of zero that slowly crush my soul.  I check and recheck, watching as my bestseller ranking goes down and down, further and further into nowhereville.  The further I am from the top, the less people buy, so my chances of getting back up are reduced minute by minute by minute...
I don't think The Binary Man will set the world on fire.  I have enjoyed re-reading it for editing and would have liked it if I'd bought it from somewhere instead of writing it, but I don't think it's going to be a massive money maker.  I just wanted a foot in the door and I feel it's doing that, so why do I feel like a failed 80's child star only eight weeks after I released it?
I suppose it's a good lesson, I'm going to be rejected a lot as I try and work on my writing style.  I need to prepare myself for my first bad review (which will definately come due to the monstrous grammar in the first edition).  I'll just try not to sweat it and just wait and see.  Maybe I'll stop checking the ebook sales the four or five times I do already, maybe just going for it once a week.
I just looked and found out I sold another.  I gave the air a little fist pump.  There is no helping an addict.

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